Stoopid Products

I just subjected myself to three back-to-back episodes of "Hoarding." The people featured in this program are, of course, extreme shocking cases dealing with eviction, jail, social isolation. They've all suffered trauma, loss of some kind -- death, fire, etc. And they comfort themselves with things.

However, I don't know anyone who doesn't do this to some extent. People who can't park their cars in their garages. People with boxes still unpacked from their last move. People who moved in together and couldn't bear to part with the duplications. People taught to never waste anything. People who compulsively shop to feel good and fill a void. Creative people with an overwhelming number of projects.

Add to our own psychological issues the constant bombardment of an advertising world telling us we must have the latest new and improved or we will not be beautiful, popular, hip and up-to-the-minute.

We are being buried alive by our own crap, folks, and I sense that we are reaching critical mass. Our credit cards certainly have. You can insert here astonishing facts regarding Americans' individual debt. We've all heard it before.

This is the ugly Big Picture: We're going into debt to acquire more and more crap we don't need to self-medicate. And a lot of this crap is plastic made in China in attractive shapes and colors, masquerading with a purpose, and sold in Wal-Marts in every city, town and burb. The plastic was made with oil drilled from the ocean. China, in the midst of an Industrial Age on 'Roids, is trashing its land, air and water at an unbelievable pace.

As is my habit, I often deal with serious issues with sarcasm and humor. I'd like to help everyone begin a new life of NON-acquisition by presenting ridiculous products I see advertised that YOU REALLY DON'T NEED. I hope you will add to my post little treasures you've seen pushed on the American people as well.

At some point, we will all begin to see that there's really very little one needs to be happy in this world.


The Bubbler: You fill this thing with bubble bath liquid, add batteries, and it floats around agitating the water and releasing bath gel. Someone has got to be reeeeeeeally lazee to use this instead of their hand to swish the soap around or reeeeeeeally stoopid to not pour the soap directly under the faucet where the water is running. Batteries? Come on people, think of the planet.

S'Mores Maker: Brought to us by our friends at Hershey's who understand how tired we are of smoke, ash, mosquitoes, you know, Real World Experience stuff, yet we still want the one-of-a-kind treat shared across the campfires of our childhoods. And we're going to need it SO often. Really people, all you still need is a wire clothes hanger. Provide your own graham crackers, marshmallows and Hershey's chocolate bars.



Toilet Tattoos: This is a vinyl film that fits over your toilet lid. Why? Because your bathroom needs some Christmas cheer, too. And so will the landfills for generations to come. And the wildlife on the coast. They could use a good chuckle.