Generally Speaking Or: “No good decision was ever made in a swivel chair.” – General George S. Patton

Well, I have returned from a short vacation in Texas (where the men are known for their braggadocio machismo) to find that just such a man is on the verge of being canned.

I speak of General Stanley McChrystal, the career military badass in charge of our war effort in Afghanistan (I wish I could say “in charge of winning the war in Afghanistan for us,” but that initiative hasn’t really been thought-through as of yet).

According to the popular media, a Rolling Stone profile of the general is going to reveal a general who is critical of his Commander in Chief and his administration. He has been summoned to Washington for his spanking in person. Many assume he will be removed from command. What an interesting little pile of dog poo. You know how such things fascinate me. Let’s break it down together.

The Rolling Stone? Really? This vehicle is not known for stellar, fact-based journalism…it did used to be known for giving birth to an irreverent, wildly fun, sort of stream-of-conscientiousness writing that became known as Gonzo Journalism (under the enormous and outrageous intellect of Hunter S. Thompson then perpetuated by guys like P.J. O’Rourke). Unfortunately, these days the rag is just boring. And they’ve got talentless hacks like the writer of this article trying to recreate the glory days. I read the entire article, and I’m kinda amazed he followed the general for months doing one of the most interesting jobs on earth, and this is all he had to say about it?

The comments in the article that the media has positioned as offensive enough to get a guy fired over begin like this: “According to sources familiar with the meeting…” and “According to those close to the two men…” Hmmm. SOOOO, the general didn’t say these disrespectful things, but some unnamed sources did…I see. Also, some of the critical comments were made by the general’s staffers, who also were unnamed. I think as a former journalist, I would have made the decision to not include anything I can’t attribute to real people with real names. Just call it an integrity thing. No matter how desperate I was to paint myself as Hunter or P.J. with worthy entertaining observations and opinions (notice I avoid the word “facts”).

Point being, I really wouldn’t be comfortable firing a guy over what is “reported” in a Rolling Stone article.

But I am VERY curious why a general in this position granted the RS access to do a “profile”? That’s the real question any journalist worth his salt would be asking himself. What did he stand to gain? Did he really want to get himself out of this frickin’ quagmire in Afghanistan and hoped to accomplish that with the ever-helpful stoopid media? A guy doesn’t get this job on a lark…McChrystal is wily and well-known for his strategy skills. AND he is well-known for being a wise-ass who thumbs his nose at authority. Obama knew what he was getting with this guy. Or maybe he did not. He could have easily found out by talking to former West Point classmates, etc. The guy spent entire weekends marching the Area and ran up an impressive number of demerits.

I love these bad boy types, frankly, don’t we all? These mavericks are the ones we want to follow into battle. By the very nature of their work and personality traits required to excel in that work, they do not kiss ass and mince words.

According to the RS article (and trust me, I’m pondering whether it’s really reference-worthy), the reporter observed the following discussion between the general and his staff regarding his attendance at a fancy state dinner.

“I’d rather have my ass kicked by a roomful of people than go out to this dinner,” McChrystal says. He pauses a beat. “Unfortunately,” he adds, “no one in this room could do it.”

Hmmm. Now, remember this general is not an idiot. Does he hope to further his reputation as a badass to improve morale among the fighting men and women in Afghanistan, get some sort of political benefit, nail down a book deal, what? Why has he let this RS dude into his inner circle to witness this sort of obvious scripting? It’s like those reality-based TV shows – did he forget the cameras were rolling for a minute? I think not.

And who were the staffers to which the general let the RS reporter have access? Here’s a paragraph from the article itself:

“The general's staff is a handpicked collection of killers, spies, geniuses, patriots, political operators and outright maniacs. There's a former head of British Special Forces, two Navy Seals, an Afghan Special Forces commando, a lawyer, two fighter pilots and at least two dozen combat veterans and counterinsurgency experts. They jokingly refer to themselves as Team America, taking the name from the South Park-esque sendup of military cluelessness, and they pride themselves on their can-do attitude and their disdain for authority.”

I’m thinking nothing was said in front of this reporter that was not analyzed and weighed for effect seven ways to Sunday.

So, to can him or not? Obama-haters are yelling no, wondering aloud why our prez can call a tough-talking general on the carpet, but can’t meet with the BP CEO in two months’ time over fouling our shoreline and destroying an industry and food source. Obama-lovers are yelling yes, off with his head, how dare he disrespect the Commander in Chief (who has never served and can’t even manage to organize a proper clean-up of a beach).

Well, let’s look at the guy’s effectiveness in his job. Let’s go back to the article itself:

“During the Iraq surge, his team killed and captured thousands of insurgents, including Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq.”

Also in the article, a British officer in Kabul remarked on how “the f***ing lads love Stan McChrystal. You’d be out in Somewhere, Iraq, and someone would take a knee beside you, and a corporal would be like ‘Who the f*** is that?’ And it’s f***ing Stan McChrystal.” He apparently “went out on dozens of nighttime raids during his time in Iraq, unprecedented for a top commander, and turned up on missions unannounced, with almost no entourage.” I love this anecdote, describing a commander who follows the leadership doctrine of the great General George Patton, one of the original Military Badasses. (But I’m also trying to get over my disbelief that a British officer said “would be like.”)

The RS writer shares another anecdote. McChrystal passes a Navy Seal in the hallway at headquarters and said, “You better be out there hitting four or five targets tonight.” Then added, “I’m going to have to scold you in the morning for it, though.”

One last piece of insight brought to us by the RS writer involves creative thinking on McChrystal’s part.

“He systematically mapped out terrorist networks, targeting specific insurgents and hunting them down – often with the help of cyberfreaks traditionally shunned by the military. ‘The Boss would find the 24-year-old kid with a nose ring, with some f***ing brilliant degree from MIT, sitting in the corner with 16 computer monitors humming," says a Special Forces commando who worked with McChrystal in Iraq and now serves on his staff in Kabul.”

This Stoopid American thinks: McChrystal gets the job done. His men love him. He inspires. He’s creative and forward-thinking. And he wants the hell out of running a war he can’t win because a “win” hasn’t been defined yet for him. The most upsetting line in the entire article is a quote from Obama himself.

“’I want the American people to understand,’ he announced in March 2009. ‘We have a clear and focused goal: to disrupt, dismantle and defeat Al Qaeda in Pakistan and Afghanistan.’”

Typical Obama-speak. He did not articulate a clear and focused goal, but he precedes his gibberish with the assertion that he will do just that thing. We need a goal we can measure, see and hear…a set number of Al Qaeda training camps destroyed, for example, or specific sources of money destroyed. The president’s goal doesn’t say anything about helping to set up a new government and culture, which I think is the “counterinsurgency” strategy McChrystal has been charged with executing. Well, heck yeah, I would want out of that deal, too.

And that brilliant general found a macho way to do it, without losing face, actually gaining face, considering who the Commander in Chief is. Maybe he should run for president in 2012.